The paper boat sank down
in the muddy brown puddle of rain-
soaky memories...
-Gauri Gharpure
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About Me
- Gauri Gharpure
- A bundle of contradictions who needs enough sleep and food to keep in the chirpy mood that I usually am in. Have worked as a stringer, a copywriter and as a content writer in that order since I was in college. Currently immersed (come up for air occasionally) in the 10-month M.S program at Columbia University, Graduate School of Journalism 2012. Studying on a Fulbright grant. Look forward to a career in writing, teaching and perhaps, junk jewellery that i make...
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5 comments:
quite like this one too...except the "cherish". don't really know why, but that seems to take away from the poignancy of the poem.
good one, though.
though i like cherish, can u offer some substitutes?
i ws thinking of live instead of cherish, but then, thought the latter set in better with wht i really felt...
a proper haiku MIGHT go:
the paper boat sank
in the muddy brown puddle
soaky memories
that keeps the 5-7-5 syllable length, and maybe a bit of ambiguity, but still sounding on the happy side because 'soaky memories' sound reminiscient of 'happy memories'.
my thing against "cherish" is rather hard to explain. is it too commonly and glibly used? does it reek of 'poetic' language? is it all in my mind? grin. we will never know.
perfect.
keeping 5-7-5 in mind, simply soaky memories also occured to me... but somehow garnished with the 'i cherish'...
thnks.. :)
i decide to stick now to simply soaky memories..
cool!
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